A not so normal six-month update
No charts or graphs. Just me.
Welcome to Beyond the Bookshelf, a community of readers and writers exploring the intricate relationships between life and literature and the profound narratives that bind them together.
Dear Reader,
It has been quite an experience writing for six months now. I’ve always enjoyed writing, but I never had the courage to write for others. I’m not sure why. Maybe it was because I didn’t have enough time or focus, or maybe I was afraid of failing. With so many talented writers out there, what difference would one more small voice make in the conversation?
As I reflect on the past few months, I can observe progress in my writing. But am I truly discovering my voice? Am I becoming more confident? I’m uncertain. It seems like I have scattered myself, attempting to navigate through various topics and offer something valuable to my readers. Recently, during a working group session with my peers, someone asked me about the distinct perspective I bring to my writing. What sets me apart in the conversation? This question made me think.
Many talented and bold people are finding their voice after years of frustration. It’s inspiring to see. I can spend all day reading other writers’ works and being amazed by their publications. Many writers talk about books and how literature relates to their lives. They write book reviews and host read-alongs. Some have PhDs and their writing is profound and relevant. I don’t feel intelligent enough to contribute to the conversation. It’s hard not to compare myself to them. So where do I fit in? Why would anyone be interested in my voice? The most complicated question is: What value do I add here?
I sit at my desk, gazing out the window. Raindrops cascade down the glass, transforming the world into vibrant green. This downpour has awakened life from its winter slumber. Everything is being reborn, including me. These past few years have been tough yet fulfilling. I can finally feel myself emerging from a long, dark night of the soul. My 30-year winter is finally over. My inner self is thawing, and a new life is beginning within me, just like in spring.
In June, I will hang up my uniform for the last time. It will be bittersweet - a true inflection point, as one friend told me. I approach the future with excitement and wonder and a little trepidation. Starting something new is scary. The rhythms and nuances of military life are second nature to me. Will I find a new rhythm? Will I find success? It’s hard to know. I realize I have to be true to myself. I have spent so much of my life trying to please others and live up to outside expectations. If I have learned anything this past year, kindness and love matter more than anything else, including being kind and loving to myself.
The trauma of my teenage years completely derailed my life. It took me three decades to finally escape the darkness. But now, today, I am happy. I have a wonderful marriage, amazing children, and I’ve accomplished so much in my 24 years of service. I’m thrilled about the upcoming adventure and I approach it with anticipation. As I step into this new season of life, I am being kind to myself, just like a child on Christmas morning. I can’t wait to see what gifts and surprises await me.
What does it mean to have a unique voice in the conversation? Anne Lamott, in her timeless classic, Bird by Bird, tells us that “good writing is about telling the truth,” and later, she expounds on this by saying, “Remember that you own what happened to you.” I am the only person with my unique set of experiences, good and bad. In owning the story of my life and telling the truth about it in my writing I create a unique voice to share with the world. So I share here with you the lens through which I see the world and which shapes my unique voice:
I am a husband and father and son and brother.
I am a man who has proudly served my country for more than half my life.
I am a survivor of inexplicable trauma.
I am a lover of the written word and its power to transform lives.
I am a man of integrity who values harmony, community, nature, and solitude.
I am a life-long learner attempting to understand the world.
I am a man who believes in the inherent value of every person.
This six-month milestone has allowed me to reflect on Beyond the Bookshelf's future and think deeply about how I can add value to the global conversation. With the help of a fantastic cohort of writers, I put together this short description of my publication’s focus. Let me know what you think.
“Personal essays exploring the intricate relationships between life and literature through the profound narratives that bind them together, penned by a Navy veteran and trauma survivor reflecting on a lifetime of service and healing.”
This clarifies who I am and what I bring to the table. Readers will know what they are getting into with me - no surprises. I am committed to building long-term relationships with my readers, as I am here for the long haul. I don’t see my readers as numbers on a chart of metrics. I care about them as people, fellow sojourners on a quest for truth. Where will we find it? I hope our shared civil discourse will guide us in discovering something greater than ourselves.
My vision for Beyond the Bookshelf is still developing. The great thing is this is my creative space, and as I learn and grow, the publication will grow with me. Each month I hope to publish the following:
A couple of personal essays about my experiences with life and literature.
A guest post or interview highlighting a fellow reader or writer.
A book review or author profile.
A monthly wrap-up consisting of books I have read, a curated list of articles I recommend, and some music, TV, and movie ideas to share.
My promise to my readers will be consistent, honest, and authentic writing. I make no claims of being the best or most qualified writer. Mine is only one voice among many searching for meaning in a chaotic world. I hope to share what I discover with others through the unique lens of my life and provide them with a perspective different from theirs.
On October 22nd, 2023, my first newsletter went out to 20 family members. Today there are over 900 readers! Can you believe it? In my wildest dreams I never imagined this. I cherish every reader who has subscribed. Some have even chosen to support my writing with a paid subscription. My Granny Yates would have been proud.
Thank you to each and every reader, follower, subscriber, and paid supporter of Beyond the Bookshelf. I owe you a debt of gratitude for believing in me and inspiring me to seek out the best in myself. I am grateful you are with me on this journey of writing, discovery, and life. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.
Writing Beyond the Bookshelf is a labor of love and will continue to be free for all readers for the foreseeable future. If you want to support my writing financially and have the means, a couple of options are available. Buy Me a Coffee is a one-time “tip” as a way to say thank you. Subscribing at one of the paid tiers is for those who wish to provide ongoing support. Regardless of how you support my work, as a free subscriber or paid, I am grateful that you have chosen to be a member of this community of readers and writers exploring the intricate relationships between life and literature and the profound narratives that bind them together.
Matthew, I think this may be the best of your essays so far! Six months of consistent writing, showing up, and sharing your words, is a great achievement, as is reaching 900 subscribers. You mention the question of 'Who am I?' when it comes to sharing words as someone without a PhD, and being amongst a sea of literature folks. I feel this too, despite completing an MA last year. I think what I'm learning is that no matter what education or experience we gain, there will always be someone who appears to know more than us. What is so great about this community, I think, is that writers and creatives big and small are here and open for readers to find. Your voice, whilst one amongst many, has just as much 'right' to be here as anyone else's. I love your new introduction to who you are! For my part, I particularly enjoy the personal insights you bring, perhaps because I find this the most difficult writing to achieve for myself, and because I read a lot of women writers, so it's good to get the perspective of a male voice.
Also, although I can't imagine what leaving the Navy must be like after 30 years, it did make me think of my own experience of reaching 50 years of age and contemplating an 'empty nest' soon, when the past 25 years have been wrapped up in being a mother of two children and organising my life around their needs. But I am excited to discover what's next too! :)
What a beautiful and reflective post, Matthew. On your 30 years, your six months, your life and your family. Many congratulations and the very best wishes for your new adventure. Substack is all the richer for you being here!