Life Begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone
"The goal is not to be better than the other man, but your previous self." - The Dalai Lama
Exploring the intersection of life and literature to understand how what we read influences our lives and how our life experiences influence the books we choose.
“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” - Aldous Huxley
I haven’t thought about what to wear for 24 years since arriving at boot camp. Take a peek inside my closet and you will see what I mean. My style (or lack thereof) hasn’t changed much in that time and while my wardrobe is likely only a concern for my wife, who is occasionally obligated to be seen with me in public, I find myself thinking more about the self-identity aspects of hanging up the uniform.
I am excited and ready, yet this transition from military to civilian life is a monumental shift. I am not concerned about the logistical aspects of retiring since I am familiar with the paperwork, the pay processes, working with the Veteran’s Administration on disability claims, etc… What I need help with is the mental space that will take me from being a member of a tight knit, cohesive military organization to whatever the next adventure might be. I know I can’t do this alone.
“Embracing who we are is more interesting than pretending to be someone else.”
Last fall I hired a personal coach, an individual I know and respect, who works with a process known as Blueprint. The philosophy behind this program is discovering the innate blueprint we each have for our lives. Our blueprint is the core of who we are - what drives us, makes us passionate, gives us purpose. Sound easy? It isn’t as intuitive as we might think. Years of peer pressure, social imprinting, and keeping up with the Joneses can bury our self-identity. Real work is involved to dig deep and discover the epicenter of who we are. This is where my coach comes in - pulling the strings through in-depth discussion to discover my personal Blueprint.
A couple months in and I am fascinated by the experience. A recent conversation revealed a core aspect of my personality which I call The Best Version ethos. Simply stated, I believe I owe myself and the world the very best version of me. Whatever abilities, skills, talents, strengths, etc… I have, I owe it to myself to use those things, and even improve upon them, in a manner which will best benefit my life, the lives of my loved ones, and the lives of humanity as a whole. I believe if everyone embraced this ethos and put it into action, society could be profoundly changed for the better. I am not naive enough to think this scenario is likely and I recognize I have very little ability to influence its outcome.
What I do control is my own life and the manner in which I give the very best of myself to the world. For years this meant being the best Sailor I could be. I believe deeply in our Constitution and the way of life it represents. Serving in uniform was a way for me to embrace those ideals and give of myself to a nation I believe in. Along the way I did everything within my ability to improve myself. I found success due to my willingness to exceed expectations and do what was needed.
Looking to the future, I desire to continue giving the best version of myself. What does that look like? This coaching process is helping me discover what is important to me and how I can leverage those things to greatest affect.
Another component of my core beliefs is life-long learning. As I continue learning, I continue improving, and I unlock that best version of me. Why this is important? What do any of us owe the world? What has the world done for us? Why do we owe ourselves, our families, and the world a best version?
I can’t answer that question for you as it is a deeply personal one. I can only tell you why this ethos is important to me. Tuning into any news outlet reveals the world is a mess. Nearly every news source is politicized, writing with a particular slant one way or another. Last week I shared how I left all social media due to its toxicity and negative impacts on my life. With so much negativity in the world, I believe we need to do everything we can to counteract it with something positive.
I am going to do everything in my ability to encourage the growth of kindness, civility, cooperation, and civil discourse. This is where life-long learning and my best version ethos come into play. When I am actively engaged in learning how to give the very best version of me to myself, my family, and to the world, it is nearly impossible to go down the path of negativity, anger, uncivil behavior, and hate. It can be really uncomfortable going against the flow, counter to what mainstream society is preaching. This is where our growth begins, when we step outside what is comfortable.
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, doubt, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, home, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, forgiveness, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
The tale of the two wolves has been around for a long time and many of you are likely familiar with it. What we feed our mind is just as or more important than what we feed our bodies. When we embark upon the journey to find the best version of ourselves we become mindful, more self-aware, and recognize that much of what the world offers us to consume is not good. We become the books we read, the movies we watch, the music we listen to, and the conversations we engage in.
An important part of my journey is exploring how life and literature are intertwined. With all my options, how do I decide what is the right thing to read? How do I know which books will add value to my life? What self-education will push me outside my comfort zone and enable me to grow? How do I feed the good wolf?
There are several steps to this process and honestly I am learning as I go. In conversation with
a few days ago I mentioned that I have no formal training in writing or literary analysis. Before joining I was concerned that my lack of an English degree or prior publication experience would discredit me as having any authority on this topic. John encouraged me to keep reading and writing and not allow my lack of formal training prevent me from sharing my passion for literature with the world. My internal fears could easily have led me to not take that step to venture into the unknown. However, that isn’t who I am. I face my fears and I push the boundaries of my comfort zone in order to continually seek my own best version.Here on Substack I have worked hard to surround myself with fellow readers and writers who share a similar passion for the arts, for community, for encouraging one another in our pursuit of something beautiful. I want to be a part of a community, like the one that
are building, of people who encourage on another to be that best version of themselves. To this end, I have joined reading groups with and tackling classic literature together, read amazing book reviews by and , had a front row seat to observe literary heavyweights and in action, had the opportunity to connect with whose book Quiet gave me the confidence I needed to accept myself as an introvert in a noisy world, and discovered countless new and amazing writers who have blown me away like who I read everyday and who is a really talented young author. I have been blessed to encounter some exceptional teachers like and who have helped me figure out this space and focus on the craft of writing. All of this to say that the first priority is surrounding ourselves with people who will challenge us to take that next step outside the comfort zone and try something new.Intentionality is something I wrote about in this publication’s first week. Having a plan of some sort is so crucial to success. It enables us to execute our intention in a meaningful way. One of my favorite activities is sitting down in late November or early December and roughly planning out my reading for the next year. I put together a pretty detailed syllabus of what I would like to read. I try to build it according to a central theme or idea. This year’s theme was journeys. I don’t hold myself rigidly to the reading plan. I allow deviation, additions, subtractions, etc… but it is a framework to work from. This helps me to think of my reading on the micro-level of day to day and month to month.
As I go along I am allowing the idea of a Lifetime Reading Plan or Personal Reading Canon to germinate in the back of my head. I have read a lot of books in my life but the time remaining is finite. Life expectancy for males in the U.S. is around 77 years. If I stick to the norm then I have 31 years left to live. If I happen to read 50 books a year then that means I have 1550 books remaining to read in my life. There are far more than 1550 great books already in existence, not even counting those which will be published in the next 30 years. One option is to simply meander through the library stacks and pick whatever jumps out at me. And there is nothing wrong with that if reading for pleasure is your goal. But while pleasure is a goal, it is not my only goal and so I need to be intentional about the books I choose. I want this to include a good mix of biographies, history, classics, literature, and fiction. I am a sucker for some good sci-fi now and then. I simply want to ensure that what I am giving my time to will pay dividends in my growth as a citizen of humanity.
I don’t know exactly what the best version of me looks like as I am still in the process of discovery. I feel pretty confident it will involve reading and writing, focusing on family and health, spending time outdoors in nature, and building connections with others. I want to continue learning new things.
has inspired me to pick up a camera and start taking photos, something I have never done before in my life. I want to advocate for literacy and access to books. I want to continue exploring how I can get the message out to others, make life-long learning a priority for everyone, and get everyone to focus on being the best version of themselves as well. If each of us does our own little part then maybe together we can change the world.If you think that the Blueprint process might be beneficial for you then reach out to my coach for an informational meeting. Brandon Jenkins
Until next time…
This past week I enjoyed reading:
- wrote a wonderful article on English artist Gwen Raverat.
- wrote about his first year on Substack and why birds are amazing.
Matthew, Each time I read one of your posts, I grow as a person myself. I've always known there was a hunger for more within you, and I am grateful to be able to observe this growth. Mom
Matthew,
Your post gave me a lot to think about. I'm almost 62, and I have seen changes in my own inner and outer life that I wonder whether a blueprint at one age differs from a blueprint at a later age, ir are there themes and threads that are consistent?
As for reading, I could be more intentional. I've started this year with a heavy dose of reading (all fiction) and now if I'm without a book I really love, I feel bereft. I just finished Howards End. i read it a number of years ago, but this time, for lack of a better phrase, I "got it," and it made a deep impression on me.
As for how many books, are left to you or to me, I'm at the age when i have an increasing confirmation bias in believing that medical breakthroughs will prolong healthy living. So, 77 appears to me now as a milestone somewhere in the middle of the road to come. Perhaps wishful thinking, but why not?