Of Life-rings and Broken Pottery
In which I discuss the relationship between trauma and reading
Returned to Tennessee today. Hawaii was likely my last Navy trip. We held a Career Development Symposium. Taking care of Sailors has been my passion. Mentoring them is what I will miss the most when I retire.
Returning home is all about family. I value time with them. Traveling is great. Coming home is better. I will sleep in my bed, my wife snoring on one side and the dog snoring on the other.
Last week’s newsletter discussed moving to Missouri and my grandmother’s impact. If you missed it you can catch up at this link.
The 90s were difficult for my family. A series of traumatic events took a heavy toll. I may explore some of these in depth in the future.
Dad was in an accident on the farm resulting in the loss of his leg. My brother Luke and I were there.
I accidentally shot myself while unloading a deer rifle.
Immediate family members were diagnosed with clinical depression.
I endured a series of traumatic events while attending a boarding school.
I moved to Florida in the middle of the night without telling anyone.
My maternal grandfather passed away.
No one is equipped to deal with so much traumatic pain in such a short period of time. I was drowning. I believe my family felt the same.
“Traumatized people chronically feel unsafe inside their bodies: The past is alive in the form of gnawing interior discomfort. Their bodies are constantly bombarded by visceral warning signs, and, in an attempt to control these processes, they often become expert at ignoring their gut feelings and in numbing awareness of what is played out inside. They learn to hide from their selves.”
― Bessel A. van der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
I disappeared inside of books. Michael Crichton, Mark Twain, Stephen King, Robert Ludlum, John Saul, Ken Follett, David Eddings, Ray Bradbury, Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman, Norman Mailer, Robert Penn Warren, Orson Scott Card, John Steinbeck, Isaac Asimov, and many more transported me through time and space to different worlds where I felt safe for a time. This was the only method I knew. During those formative years I developed a deep and abiding love for the authors and their stories who helped me when I needed it most. They were my life-ring when I was drowning in an ocean of pain.
I do not recommend escapism as a healthy means of dealing with trauma. I ran from my pain, thinking a new place or new people would solve everything. I only began healing when I started talking about my trauma with people I trusted.
“Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone.”
― Fred Rogers
I was overjoyed to discover the many books available to assist in my healing journey. The resources available for trauma victims are extensive. A list of recommended books can be found at ComplexTrauma.org.
If you or someone you know has experienced trauma, utilize the resources available to help you start healing. Talking through the issues makes them less scary and removes their power. You are not alone.
“The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
― Ernest Hemingway
Kintsugi (golden joinery) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.1
The places we are broken are not something to be ashamed of or to hide away from the world. In the healing and repair of our lives we become something stronger and more beautiful than we were before.
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I would love to know your thoughts on this topic along with what you are reading that is adding value to your life right now.
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https://traditionalkyoto.com/culture/kintsugi/
Thank you for sharing this, Matthew. I think we all carry out traumas with us and books can really help us to feel less alone. Though as you point out, reaching out for help from people you trust is also essential for healing. I have seen the 'Kintsugi' or 'maki-e ' pottery technique before and find it beautiful and such a wonderful way to look at something which is 'broken', seeing it as a part of its history. Thank you for this thoughtful, and thought-provoking, piece :)
It sounds like you had to handle so much pain in such a short period of time; that would have been a lot even to handle in a lifetime. Thank you for sharing as it puts a finer point on the theme. I have been wondering why I read and now write. While both offer entertainment and may be a form of escapism, I'm realizing more and more (particularly with imaginative writing) that both activities help me work through the places I'm stuck, even if it's just on a subconscious level. That is, they are therapeutic. Writing fiction sometimes feels like it is more therapeutic than straight up journaling. Somewhere in my subconscious, as a result of these creative acts (and reading is included in that for me), the otherwise "stuck in my craw" traumas of life dissolve ever so slowly so that over time they become a bit more digestible and their impact dissipates. Odd metaphor but hopefully it comes across. I appreciate you and your insightfulness; your post has expanded my thoughts and feelings - exactly what I look for in a post.