I loved this book and recommended it to my son and DIL. As a mom in the 90s, I remember the Adam Walsh horror. I was overprotective. Conversely, My son and daughter-in-law had started letting my grandchildren go out to play with other children in the neighborhood…unsupervised (but close). I was horrified, but kept my mouth shut. I’m glad I did. They are well adjusted, social, and independent tweens. Great book and sterling suggestions for raising wise kids. Thanks Matthew!
Glad you enjoyed the book and have passed it on to others. I think it provides some sound advice. I know that every situation is unique and parents have to assess what works best for them but keeping them away from all forms of risk is probably not the most effective method of raising well-developed children. All the best!
A wonderful and eye opening book! Thank you for this thoughtful analysis. As a young parent, I'm trying to adjust my own thinking so I can implement these values with my children.
Thanks Jordan. Glad you enjoyed the essay. Parenting isn't easy! I have a 21 year old and a 17 year old. I am still faced with new challenges at times. I recommend giving yourself a lot of grace. Most kids turn out ok despite whatever mistakes we parents make.
This sounds fascinating--thank you for a wonderful overview. I wrote an article last year on the change in children's outdoor play habits and the stats were unreal..kids went from many hours a day out there, on average, in the 70's and early 80's, to where we are now, at well under 10 min a day. A huge part of that change means kids aren't navigating physical risks and relational dynamics as often on their own. This book sounds like it fills in many more of the gaps of this trend, esp as they play out in school, and I look forward to reading.
Thanks Addie. I hope you get the chance to read the book as I think you will find it beneficial. You are absolutely correct about outdoor play and risk taking. A good friend of mine started a pre-school a few years ago in which they spend 80% of their time outdoors in active play. It does wonders for the kids as they work through those risks, relationships, conflict resolution, etc...
I look forward to reading it. The school your friend started sounds amazing. My eldest son spent a few of his early years primarily outside in a Waldorf program and it was ideal for him.
Thanks for this! “The Untruth of Emotional Reasoning” didn’t resonate with me when I read this is grad school. I think it’s because as a millennial dude, I was surrounded with a lot of skepticism/ration/logic culture during the years of new atheism.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to encourage my emotions as part of wider ‘knowing’ - I’d dismissed them so much they weren’t often accounted for in my explorations of personal truth.
Thanks William. I agree that as we age, the way we view the world and approach ideas changes. Life experience gives us a different perspective. Much of my worldview now is different than my 18 year old self. Emotions are an important part of that. I think it is necessary to be in touch with our emotions and try to understand them without being controlled by them.
I suppose I hold space for the idea that being ‘controlled by logic’ might be as bad as ‘controlled by emotion’, though we generally only hear about the latter. In the end, it’s a balance.
Hi - have you had a look at Martha Nussbaum’s work in intelligence of emotions? I found it a useful construct to balance between “logic” and “feelings” and perhaps this being a false dichotomy. Also - you don’t need to be a dude to dismiss feelings.
One of the biggest issues with the idea that we need to engage with offensive & "diverse" ideas & perspectives is that it ends up reinforcing misogyny. Women should not have to spend their lives constantly tolerating anti-woman views.
Thanks for sharing your perspective on this. I agree with you that misogyny is a bad thing and it has no place in an ethical society. I didn't get any indications of that in my reading of this book. I would be interested if you wanted to expand on this.
Matthew, such a great topic and intention! Thank you for featuring this book.
I can't help noticing how Haidt's conclusions so closely mirror the work of another child psychologist, David Elkind, whose books I read as part of my Early Childhood teaching program, begun in1988, after working four years in the classroom as a part-time aide. (Elkind is 93 and alive and well....) His books are still on my shelf.
"The Hurried Child (1981)" and then "Miseducation (1987)" spoke to 1) academic acceleration and pressure on kids that was developmentally inappropriate and 2) the disaster that was/is "self-esteem curriculum", that mitigated any opportunities to be actually truthful about a child's work or accomplishments for fear of damaging them in some way.
I wrote an essay for our paper on the subject (The Fresno Bee, 1984) dealing with the damaging result of both of these practices in the classroom--a prescient piece, it turns out. I've seen the effects of this coddling and overprotection show up in the lives of many of the children of the 90's... and then passed on to their own children. It has not been helpful.
I pray that young parents would heed the content of Haidt's book and make the necessary adjustments in their relationships with their children--the benefits will be enormous.
Jody, thanks for this insightful comment. I will add the Elkind books to my list of supplementary materials to check out. I wonder if the authors of "Coddling" read Elkind. I will need to look into that.
Coddling is an EXCELLENT book. It properly and accurately diagnoses Gen Z. We've done that generation wrong, making them dependent on iPhones and social media, so emotionally fragile that they can't handle differing opinions. It really does explain a lot about our current political moment.
Sarah, thank you for sharing this podcast. Sharing diverse viewpoints is important in civil discourse.
I listened to it last night. It is interesting, and I appreciate you providing an opposing viewpoint. The podcasters were inherently biased from the get-go; one of them, in particular, was overly condescending. However, they do make some valid points, which I found interesting.
I acknowledge that people may also feel Lukianoff and Haidt are biased, which may be true. However, I think, ultimately, we must individually assess the differing viewpoints and data to determine our perspective.
As a parent (my kids are 21 and 17), I closely observe what happens in high school and college. Additionally, my mom, sister, and wife are all educators, and they provide me with insight.
My perspective on this topic continues to align more closely with the authors of this book primarily based on personal observation and experience. I acknowledge there will be perspectives different than mine and many people may have a different experience.
Thanks again for sharing this as part of the conversation.
Excellent overview, I have no understanding of the American education system, but the same trends are clear to see in the UK and to some extent in European systems.
In the UK, banning of authors who are considered unsuitable is becoming common, instead of opening up discussion and teaching students how to look at both sides and see what might be wrong. Likewise, the removal of competitive spirit from sports which, while well intentioned, is not helpful in creating robust adults. And the traffic jams outside school at start and finish every day speak to over protective parents, although with increasing street violence one can understand. But what happens when those children grow up? What will they have learnt?
I'm no longer an active parent, but I've spent my life in the last few years (decades?) helping highly diverse teams of relatively young people (20s and 30s) learn to work together productively. The first thing you have to teach people who are going to work together is to be open, honest and non-judgemental with each other in order to create a safe space where mistakes as well as successes can be shared and all work equally valued. Once that is understood, productive work follows.
Our education systems need to be showing students how to work in and understand diverse work environments. Coddling is obviously going in the wrong direction.
This is a fascinating read Matthew and filled with vital, although possibly debatable, points. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your synopsis of 'The Coddling of The American Mind' which I am certain applies worldwide.
“Free speech and the ability to tolerate offense are the hallmarks of a free and open society.”
How true! Tolerance is a desperately lacking characteristic IMHO!
I loved this book and recommended it to my son and DIL. As a mom in the 90s, I remember the Adam Walsh horror. I was overprotective. Conversely, My son and daughter-in-law had started letting my grandchildren go out to play with other children in the neighborhood…unsupervised (but close). I was horrified, but kept my mouth shut. I’m glad I did. They are well adjusted, social, and independent tweens. Great book and sterling suggestions for raising wise kids. Thanks Matthew!
Glad you enjoyed the book and have passed it on to others. I think it provides some sound advice. I know that every situation is unique and parents have to assess what works best for them but keeping them away from all forms of risk is probably not the most effective method of raising well-developed children. All the best!
A wonderful and eye opening book! Thank you for this thoughtful analysis. As a young parent, I'm trying to adjust my own thinking so I can implement these values with my children.
Thanks Jordan. Glad you enjoyed the essay. Parenting isn't easy! I have a 21 year old and a 17 year old. I am still faced with new challenges at times. I recommend giving yourself a lot of grace. Most kids turn out ok despite whatever mistakes we parents make.
Love this summary - I read this book a couple years ago. I’ll definitely be sharing this article with others as I recommend the book!
Thanks Celeste. Glad you enjoyed my take on it. I think it is a good book to recommend to others who are open to thinking critically on this topic.
This sounds fascinating--thank you for a wonderful overview. I wrote an article last year on the change in children's outdoor play habits and the stats were unreal..kids went from many hours a day out there, on average, in the 70's and early 80's, to where we are now, at well under 10 min a day. A huge part of that change means kids aren't navigating physical risks and relational dynamics as often on their own. This book sounds like it fills in many more of the gaps of this trend, esp as they play out in school, and I look forward to reading.
Thanks Addie. I hope you get the chance to read the book as I think you will find it beneficial. You are absolutely correct about outdoor play and risk taking. A good friend of mine started a pre-school a few years ago in which they spend 80% of their time outdoors in active play. It does wonders for the kids as they work through those risks, relationships, conflict resolution, etc...
I look forward to reading it. The school your friend started sounds amazing. My eldest son spent a few of his early years primarily outside in a Waldorf program and it was ideal for him.
Thanks for this! “The Untruth of Emotional Reasoning” didn’t resonate with me when I read this is grad school. I think it’s because as a millennial dude, I was surrounded with a lot of skepticism/ration/logic culture during the years of new atheism.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve had to encourage my emotions as part of wider ‘knowing’ - I’d dismissed them so much they weren’t often accounted for in my explorations of personal truth.
Thanks William. I agree that as we age, the way we view the world and approach ideas changes. Life experience gives us a different perspective. Much of my worldview now is different than my 18 year old self. Emotions are an important part of that. I think it is necessary to be in touch with our emotions and try to understand them without being controlled by them.
I suppose I hold space for the idea that being ‘controlled by logic’ might be as bad as ‘controlled by emotion’, though we generally only hear about the latter. In the end, it’s a balance.
Hi - have you had a look at Martha Nussbaum’s work in intelligence of emotions? I found it a useful construct to balance between “logic” and “feelings” and perhaps this being a false dichotomy. Also - you don’t need to be a dude to dismiss feelings.
I haven’t yet read her work but will add her to my list. I appreciate the recommendation.
I’ve read her work on animals. Will check out her other stuff
One of the biggest issues with the idea that we need to engage with offensive & "diverse" ideas & perspectives is that it ends up reinforcing misogyny. Women should not have to spend their lives constantly tolerating anti-woman views.
Thanks for sharing your perspective on this. I agree with you that misogyny is a bad thing and it has no place in an ethical society. I didn't get any indications of that in my reading of this book. I would be interested if you wanted to expand on this.
Sounds like a very thought provoking read! Thank you, Matthew.
Thanks Maureen.
Matthew, such a great topic and intention! Thank you for featuring this book.
I can't help noticing how Haidt's conclusions so closely mirror the work of another child psychologist, David Elkind, whose books I read as part of my Early Childhood teaching program, begun in1988, after working four years in the classroom as a part-time aide. (Elkind is 93 and alive and well....) His books are still on my shelf.
"The Hurried Child (1981)" and then "Miseducation (1987)" spoke to 1) academic acceleration and pressure on kids that was developmentally inappropriate and 2) the disaster that was/is "self-esteem curriculum", that mitigated any opportunities to be actually truthful about a child's work or accomplishments for fear of damaging them in some way.
I wrote an essay for our paper on the subject (The Fresno Bee, 1984) dealing with the damaging result of both of these practices in the classroom--a prescient piece, it turns out. I've seen the effects of this coddling and overprotection show up in the lives of many of the children of the 90's... and then passed on to their own children. It has not been helpful.
I pray that young parents would heed the content of Haidt's book and make the necessary adjustments in their relationships with their children--the benefits will be enormous.
Jody, thanks for this insightful comment. I will add the Elkind books to my list of supplementary materials to check out. I wonder if the authors of "Coddling" read Elkind. I will need to look into that.
Hmmmm..... I'll bet Jonathan Haidt has read Elkind for sure!
Coddling is an EXCELLENT book. It properly and accurately diagnoses Gen Z. We've done that generation wrong, making them dependent on iPhones and social media, so emotionally fragile that they can't handle differing opinions. It really does explain a lot about our current political moment.
Thanks Michael. I agree, we have done a disservice to this generation. The challenge is figuring out how to correct course. It won't be easy.
Might be interesting to hear some of the counterpoints to this book (following the true spirit of the book's message of hearing alternative viewpoints) here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-coddling-of-the-american-mind/id1651876897?i=1000603422829
Sarah, thank you for sharing this podcast. Sharing diverse viewpoints is important in civil discourse.
I listened to it last night. It is interesting, and I appreciate you providing an opposing viewpoint. The podcasters were inherently biased from the get-go; one of them, in particular, was overly condescending. However, they do make some valid points, which I found interesting.
I acknowledge that people may also feel Lukianoff and Haidt are biased, which may be true. However, I think, ultimately, we must individually assess the differing viewpoints and data to determine our perspective.
As a parent (my kids are 21 and 17), I closely observe what happens in high school and college. Additionally, my mom, sister, and wife are all educators, and they provide me with insight.
My perspective on this topic continues to align more closely with the authors of this book primarily based on personal observation and experience. I acknowledge there will be perspectives different than mine and many people may have a different experience.
Thanks again for sharing this as part of the conversation.
"The notion that you should always trust your feelings." Is this really being taught? It's a fallacy in reasoning.
Excellent overview, I have no understanding of the American education system, but the same trends are clear to see in the UK and to some extent in European systems.
In the UK, banning of authors who are considered unsuitable is becoming common, instead of opening up discussion and teaching students how to look at both sides and see what might be wrong. Likewise, the removal of competitive spirit from sports which, while well intentioned, is not helpful in creating robust adults. And the traffic jams outside school at start and finish every day speak to over protective parents, although with increasing street violence one can understand. But what happens when those children grow up? What will they have learnt?
I'm no longer an active parent, but I've spent my life in the last few years (decades?) helping highly diverse teams of relatively young people (20s and 30s) learn to work together productively. The first thing you have to teach people who are going to work together is to be open, honest and non-judgemental with each other in order to create a safe space where mistakes as well as successes can be shared and all work equally valued. Once that is understood, productive work follows.
Our education systems need to be showing students how to work in and understand diverse work environments. Coddling is obviously going in the wrong direction.
This is a fascinating read Matthew and filled with vital, although possibly debatable, points. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your synopsis of 'The Coddling of The American Mind' which I am certain applies worldwide.
“Free speech and the ability to tolerate offense are the hallmarks of a free and open society.”
How true! Tolerance is a desperately lacking characteristic IMHO!