A Robot Cleans My Swimming Pool
Reflections on a transformative journey
Welcome to Beyond the Bookshelf, a community of readers and writers sharing unique perspectives on life and literature through thought-provoking essays, captivating interviews, and influential books as we explore the challenges of life's transformative journey.
Dear friends,
I hope you will indulge me as I work through my thoughts this week. The idea of transformation has taken hold of me for the past couple of weeks. I think it has to do with everything happening in my life right now. The particular season of my life. The reality of a significant career change. The stroll into middle age. Everything around me is in a state of transformation. I have been observing my life, the transformative processes I am experiencing, and those happening tangentially to me. So today’s article may look and feel a bit different because it is more stream of consciousness and a little more vulnerability about what I am experiencing now.
My phone says the time is 5:02. I crawl out of bed.
Why am I moving so slowly?
I trod to the bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror.
Who is this exhausted old man staring back at me?
The man in my mind doesn’t match the man in the mirror.
Where is the healthy young man who used to be there?
This daily ritual of facing the mirror - observing the physical transformation of passing years as they etch themselves slightly more and more onto this body of mine. Baggy eyes here. Gray hair there. Another pound around my expanding midsection.
If you don’t like what you see, what are you doing to change it?
The silence echoes. No answer is forthcoming.
I continually ponder transformation. It is everywhere, within and without.
Today I sit on my back porch and listen. Geese pass overhead with their trademark honking. Some sort of insect makes buzzing sounds in the grass. The sun slowly wakes; I see it peeking between the trees. There is a soft breeze and I smile.
In front of me I see all sorts of transformation. The yard, a key selling point when we purchased this home, was once all grass. We have shaped it to our desires—a pool and patio and garden shed. Flowers are blooming in the new pots we have arranged.
Light transforms from night to day, and the seasons—our lives—are all connected in this cycle of transformation. New becomes old, and all things are reborn.
When I close my eyes, another world appears. My other senses come alive, and my experience transforms. Take away our vision, and we “see” everything anew. The sun’s warmth on my face and the coolness of the breeze on my skin create a pleasant morning. The symphony of insect trilling and birdsong matches the timing of the fluttering of small birds as they dance to welcome spring.
Lola joins me and then goes to her place on the patio couch. She has claimed it as her own for some time now. Her once black face is white and gray with the years. She moves slower and rests more. My constant companion transforms before my eyes.
I stare at the dark liquid gold in my mug. I love strong, dark coffee. The bite of its bitterness is a unique kind of pleasure as its warmth courses through me and awakens me with each sip. Coffee transforms. A plant, a bean, ground, and brewed. An ancient secret in a cup.
A robot cleans my swimming pool and I remain amazed by the never-ending cycle of change.
Edmund Dantès is the protagonist of Alexandre Dumas’ “The Count of Monte Cristo.” Throughout the story, he undergoes a significant transformation, exploring themes of betrayal, revenge, and redemption. Initially, Dantès is a young, ambitious sailor with unwavering loyalty and big dreams. However, his life takes a dramatic turn when the authorities unjustly imprison him. This event sets in motion a series of events that will ultimately determine his fate.
Dantès, a humble sailor aboard the Pharaon, demonstrates the virtues of innocence and trust, as well as integrity, deep love for his fiancée Mercédès, and devotion to his aging father. His transformation begins with his arrest on false charges of treason, orchestrated by jealous rivals seeking to advance their agendas. This unjust imprisonment marks the onset of Dantès’ descent into darkness as he languishes in the grim confines of the Château d’If.
During his years of captivity, Dantès undergoes a profound metamorphosis, both physically and emotionally. The harsh realities of prison life harden his resolve and foster a burning desire for vengeance against those who wronged him. Within the depths of his confinement, he encounters the enigmatic Abbé Faria, whose friendship and tutelage become instrumental in shaping Dantès’ transformation. Under Faria’s mentorship, Dantès acquires knowledge, wisdom, and a newfound sense of purpose, laying the groundwork for his eventual retribution.
Emerging from prison as the mysterious and formidable Count of Monte Cristo, Dantès embarks on a meticulously orchestrated quest for vengeance against his betrayers. Armed with wealth, power, and cunning intellect, he adopts various personas and manipulates events to engineer the downfall of his enemies. Yet, as Dantès exacts his revenge with cold precision, the line between justice and vengeance becomes increasingly blurred, prompting introspection and moral reckoning.
However, amidst his relentless pursuit of retribution, Dantès finds himself confronted with the consequences of his actions. The collateral damage wrought by his schemes weighs heavily on his conscience, challenging his perception of justice and morality. As he witnesses the suffering of innocent bystanders caught in the crossfire of his vendetta, Dantès questions the righteousness of his cause and the true nature of forgiveness.
Ultimately, it is through the transformative power of love and forgiveness that Dantès finds redemption. Reunited with Mercédès, who has remained steadfast in her loyalty throughout his ordeal, Dantès discovers that true fulfillment lies not in vengeance but in reconciliation and absolution. In extending forgiveness to his former enemies, Dantès achieves a cathartic release from the burdens of his past, embracing a newfound sense of peace and redemption.
Edmund Dantès’s transformation from an innocent sailor to the vengeful Count of Monte Cristo and, finally, to a man redeemed is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Through the crucible of suffering and adversity, Dantès evolves from a victim of injustice to a catalyst for change, ultimately transcending the cycle of vengeance to embrace the transformative power of forgiveness. His journey is a timeless reminder of the capacity for redemption.
A couple of weeks ago, I shared my six-month update with you. I appreciated the heartfelt responses to that article. Feedback from readers is always valued, and as someone whose love language is Words of Affirmation, it is doubly important for me to know that my efforts have value.
Since the beginning, I have been open to exploring where the writing takes me. You have had the opportunity to observe the continuous evolution of my publication as I learn more about myself and what I feel called to write about. I shared I was working on improving the short description of my publication and asked for feedback. Here is that short description again in case you are new or missed it last time.
“Personal essays exploring the intricate relationships between life and literature through the profound narratives that bind them together, penned by a Navy veteran and trauma survivor reflecting on a lifetime of service and healing.”
I consider myself fortunate that numerous readers reached out with ideas, recommendations, or simply words of encouragement. What a powerful feeling it is to be surrounded by a community of people who believe in what you are doing and want you to succeed.
, a writer I admire greatly, provided insightful feedback in the comments section before we moved the discussion over to private messages. Jay and I have never met, live in different parts of the country, have relatively different backgrounds, and are separated by a few years of age. These factors haven’t prevented us from recognizing a kindred soul in one another. I see in Jay a mentor who challenges me to find the best version of myself.
Our conversation built upon the ideas I expressed in my essay, primarily that of finding my voice, unique perspective, and what I am trying to do with my writing and building a community around a love of life and literature. Jay challenged me to take another look because he observed a consistent thread in my writing over the past few months that I hadn’t initially seen myself. He felt the way I was describing my publication was too niche since I don’t write about veteran issues, nor do I focus on trauma recovery.
So what is consistent about my writing? Yes, I write about books and share my love for the written word, but this isn’t a “book review” publication. The string that connects everything in my writing is this idea of transformative journeys—my transformation from early adulthood into middle age, from a career-oriented life into retirement, from someone who was hiding from my issues into someone finding freedom through dialogue.
This idea of transforming is not unique to me. All of us experience it, and the world experiences it. All things transform over time along a continuum from past to present to future. We learn, we face challenges, and we grow.
Jay and I discussed new ideas over a week, and he helped me refine my thoughts. The result was a new description, which I am happy about and hope you will also appreciate.
“Unique perspectives on life and literature through thought-provoking essays, captivating interviews, and influential books as we explore the challenges of life's transformative journey.”
I mentioned a while back that I was going through a Blueprint coaching program. I finished this past week, and I must tell you, it was a beautiful and transformative experience. My coach, , helped me to understand things about myself that were always there in the background but now can be used to inform my life’s decisions as I am more aware of their presence and impact. There are many factors involved in this process, more than I have time to go into here. However, the result distilled into its most refined form comes down to this:
I seek to establish authentic connections with others through intentional behaviors so that, through shared experience, we can transform ourselves and others into our best selves and positively impact the world.
I find it interesting to observe the synchronicity between the conversations in my coaching experience, my conversations with Jay, the themes in my writing, and the internal conversations I am having with myself, all of which revolve around transformative experiences.
Most of us are in a transformational process. We are all at different stages, and sometimes, we get stuck. But the movement from past to future is inevitable, even if we fight it. It is better if we learn through the process. Don’t force the outcome. Be open to subtle shifts along the way and allow ourselves to let go of preconceived ideas of success. The best version of ourselves may be something entirely unexpected. Trust the process.
I use influential books to help me navigate the process of transformation. Like any journey, we need help getting to the destination. In this case, we don’t have to know what the destination is going to be. We point ourselves in the direction we think we should go and allow ourselves to learn along the way.
I have no idea where life is going to take me. The unknown is rather exciting, actually. I am open to new things, ideas, and ways of viewing the world. I approach my life with a hunger for learning, informed by my life experiences, shaped by great literature, and fleshed out through discourse with others.
Wherever you are in your transformational journey, I believe we will find ways to encourage one another, recommend great literature to one another, and travel beyond the bookshelf together to discover the best version of ourselves to share with the world.
Until next time…
Writing Beyond the Bookshelf is a labor of love and will continue to be free for all readers for the foreseeable future. If you want to support my writing financially and have the means, a couple of options are available. Buy Me a Coffee is a one-time “tip” as a way to say thank you. Subscribing at one of the paid tiers is for those who wish to provide ongoing support. Regardless of how you support my work, as a free subscriber or paid, I am grateful that you have chosen to be an integral part of this community of readers and writers exploring the intricate relationships between life and literature.
Thank you for sharing this , Matthew. The line that 'spoke' to me here was this: "If you don't like what you see, what are you doing to change it?" I think we could apply this to so many areas of our lives, and as someone who is also approaching various 'transitions' within my life (mostly due to my age and life cycle, but also as a mother) I found this sentence stopped me in my tracks: I feel I have been dissatisfied and grouchy at times lately, but actually asking myself how I can change my thoughts around this might be what I should be doing! Love seeing how you are evolving the newsletter to fit what you want to put out into the world :) (Also loved the title of the essay! ;)
I so appreciated reading this, Matthew. As someone who seems to be perpetually on the road from "here to there" (wherever there is 😂), so much of what you wrote resonates with me. And for what it's worth, I much prefer your new description. Cheers!